Brand new Christmas cracker jokes

What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker?

Pays her off

Voted the best new Christmas cracker joke of 2018, author:Edinburgh teacher, Michael Hughes, 37 – the winner of the competition run by TV Channel Gold.

Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas?

Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers

Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play?

No prophet

What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas?

Their silence

When do sheep practice their new dance?

While shepherds watched them floss by night

What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born?

The stable has had some wise men in it

Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much?

She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes

What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas?

Suits

Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party?

She misjudged the strength of the punch

Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper

What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning?

They keep changing the thyme

Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?

Because he’s tired of being in the single market

What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas?

Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher

What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey?

Shred sauce

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