I got this e-mail today

I got this e-mail today. It had a diferent title, but it may offend some, so I changed it.
On a Sears hairdryer –” Do not use while sleeping.”
(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos– “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(and that would be???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(but, it’s just a suggestion.)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.”
(well…duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer BreadPudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”
(but wouldn’t this save me time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning:May cause drowsiness.”
(…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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Dear Santa

The wise old Mother Superior