1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has

more teeth than your spouse.

  1. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke

at the dinner table in front of her kids.

  1. You’ve been married three times and still

have the same in-laws.

  1. You think a woman who is “out of your league”

bowls on a different night.

  1. Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired


  1. You wonder how service stations keep their

restrooms so clean.

  1. Anyone in your family ever died right after

saying, “Hey y’all watch this.”

  1. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  2. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a

ceiling fan.

  1. Your junior prom had a daycare.
  2. You think the last words of the Star Spangled

Banner are, “Gentlemen start your engines.”

  1. You lit a match in the bathroom and your

house exploded right off its wheels.

  1. The bluebook value of your truck goes up

and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

  1. You have to go outside to get something

from the fridge.

  1. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  2. You need one more hole punched in your

card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

  1. You can’t get married to your sweetheart

because there’s a law against it.

  1. You think loading a dishwasher means getting

your wife drunk.

  1. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
  2. Somebody hollers “Hoe Down” and your girlfriend

hits the floor.

  1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls

and they all say Cool Whip onthe side….

  1. If the biggest city you’ve ever been to

is Wal-Mart…

  1. If your working T.V. sits on top of your

non-working R.V…

  1. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler…
  2. If you’ve ever used your ironing board

as a buffet table…

  1. If you think a quarter horse is that ride

out in front of the K-Mart…

  1. If your neighbours think you’re a detective

because a cop always brings you home…

  1. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and

does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement…

  1. If you’ve ever used a toilet brush as a

back scratcher

  1. If you’ve ever asked the preacher “How’s

it hangin?”

  1. If you missed 5th grade graduation because

you had jury duty…

  1. If you think fast food is hitting a deer

at 65 mph…

  1. If somebody tells you that you’ve got something

in your teeth and you take them out to see what

it is…

  1. If you’ve ever stared at a can of orange

juice because it said concentrate…

  1. If you’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
  2. If you don’t understand why the first 35

are not funny.

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Scary Collection 65

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.